After a considerable amount of time resisting, I finally joined the fray and downloaded the Tinder app. Little backstory, I have been in a series of monogamous relationships for most of my adult life, with people I met the good old-fashioned way .. through friends. Online dating is a foreign concept, and one I don’t necessarily warm to. Why do I even want to be involved with someone who judges me based solely on a photo? I’m also doing the same, swiping left immediately based on a photo.
Withholding high hopes, I constructed what I thought was a succinct and to-the-point profile and got to swiping. After about 5 minutes of swiping left on literally every single profile, along with a series of ews, nopes, and what the fucks, I became slightly horrified/depressed … then decided to lighten up and just have fun with it. Was I going to meet a decent guy through this app? Chances were looking slim. Was I going to have highly entertaining anecdotes to share? Probability was very high.
So far, I’ve swiped left about 1,500 times and matched with three seemingly decent contenders. I’ve even met a couple and they’re totally well-adjusted and great guys. I limited my age range to 30-40, because I prefer dating guys in my own age group, and honestly, if the results are looking like this in the 30-40 bracket, I don’t even want to think about the onslaught of awful the 20s age bracket would produce.
Some of my guy friends have been keen to learn more about the female experience of using Tinder. “Do you ever run out of profiles??” Um, no. My results are seemingly endless. Apparently the fellas are dealing with a much more limited pool, and there are a lot of … professional ladies looking for cash, if you catch my drift.
Some observations I’ve made thus far: It seems almost every single employee of Egypt Air is on Tinder. Every male member of the Egyptian Cinema/Film making community is also on Tinder, must be a sexy thing to say. “I make movies, ladies…” Also, every single Scorpio is on Tinder, and proclaiming it loudly. #SCORPIO. Ok, buddy, we get it, you’re very ~ sexual ~
Basically, I’ve narrowed down the 6 main types of guys I find on EgyTinder.
You have the gym rats.
And the dudes who love motorcycles. It’s a double combo if they’re gym rats AND love motorcycles. It’s like you’re Super Mario and you just ate the magic mushroom.
And the guys who love animals (or killing them), both real and inanimate, and they want you to know it.
And the fetish freaks looking for love in unlikely places.
And the misanthropes. Like… who WOULDN’T want to swipe right on a paranoid maniac?!
And this guy here, with best short bio I’ve ever seen. Have sent this one to ALL my friends.
Special mention goes to the guy who coined the phrase “Bonobo lifestyle” – that’s real creative. and doubtful a lot of people would immediately know what the fuck he means. Keep on truckin’, buddy!
What’s your Tinder Nightmare story??